Sunday, December 28, 2008

Le Metro

The ads are in every Metro car on lines 3,5, 8,10,11:


The posters, despite the predicament of Wall Street, despite the fact that they are printed on plain cardboard and are not protected behind plastic or by lamination, remain, unfortunately, unaltered, untouched, unanswered by the most merciless of critics, those jurors of history, graffiti artists.

As a New Yorker in Paris, I wish to give back to my hosts by providing them with the following up-to-the-minute, essential guide for speaking Wall Street English:

1. We are closed until further notice

2. I'm thinking being laid off is an awesome opportunity for me to go out on my own and like really use my entrepreneurial skills.

3. What do you mean the account is "frozen"?

4. Comme dit on en francais, "The check bounced"?

5. We are not honoring requests for

6. The bank has repossessed my
---cell phone

7. The number you have dialed has been disconnected. No further information is available.

8. Moved, left no forwarding address.

9. In accordance with USC 201.37, this building and all its contents have been seized by federal marshals for non-payment of taxes.

10. Can I get incorporated as a bank?

11. I'm broke.

12. [From Hudson in Aliens]: "How do I get out of this chicken-shit outfit?"

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